Graduation 2017

Graduation 2017 by audreybarnes featuring tarte

New Orleans Lookbook 2017

New Orleans Lookbook 2017 by audreybarnes featuring Marc Jacobs

I Remember...

My Dad left in 2004, I don’t remember the day he left, just he was gone and everything was different. I remember sitting in my room waiting for him to open the door and come home.  I remember the days turning into nights and nights bringing the pain, I remember tears streaming down my face hoping my dad would pick up the phone. I remember the weeks turning into weekends, the three of us, plus our 150lb coon hound, piling into our 1999 suburban at 5 am to see him. I remember the endless boat rides and car rides. I remember the phone calls to the attorney’s, them trying explaining the situation. I remember never staying in one place. I remember each house we ever lived in. I remember the evictions, the constant moving, the bills not being payed because my dad couldn’t put down a bottle. I remember nights with my grandma, falling asleep on her lap watching Showtime. I remember having to sleep in a VW van behind our house because it was either that or the floor. I remember the 13th birthday I spent sitting in the car, not allowed to come out all day, a pancake thrown in the window at one point. I remember the screaming, the contact of his hand to my face when I couldn’t do what he asked, the fear I felt constantly as I hid from him. I remember the relief I felt being back in my mother’s beat up suburban, hugging the seats the whole way home. I remember the lights going out and the water turning off and our surprise sleepovers at Mrs. Jeanne’s house. I remembered it all. I remembered when it changed. 

*FULL DISCLOSURE*

HAS BEEN EXAGGERATED SIGNIFIGATLEY

My Island

I never like to leave the small island I grew up on. It’s my home, it’s been my home for as long as I can remember. It’s where my mom and dad met, where they got married, where I was born and where I was Baptist, where I had my first kiss, my first job. It’s where I can go, walk around and see my friends, my parent’s friends and my grandparent’s friends, grabbing their morning coffee or their daily donut at the Downy flake. It’s a place where I can go and feel safe in a world that doesn’t seem to like me very much. So I don’t like to leave the little sanctuary I've built very often.

My family has been on the island since the early 1940’s. My grandmother went out there to escape the war. She bought an old fisherman’s cottage about a mile down surfside road. Back in those days, Nantucket was uninhabited, she had one neighbor on her left and marshland on her right. The nearest store was 6 miles away, but for the island, that’s was pretty far. They still had the railroad then to get around, so every Sunday she would take it into town, collect her weekly rations and be on her way. It became her home, which later became my mother’s home, which later became mine. I grew up listening to her stories and as a bug eyed child longed for the day that I could go home again and start my own adventure.

We moved around a lot as a kid. After my dad left, it was just the three of us, my mom, my sister and I. He moved back out to the island to live with my grandparents and we ended up staying in North Andover, a town surrounded by highways and corrupt with drugs. So my mom did what her mom did before her, and sent us to the safest place she knew, Nantucket. By then my dad had started drinking heavily and couldn’t be bothers with his two little kids, so we spent most of our time with my grandmother. We were her babies, she love us just as much as we loved her. She taught me everything. How to sew, how to garden, how to get gum out of my hair when I accidently cut a huge chunk out and how to hide my bra strap in a dress that didn’t fit right. She was our world. When she died last October I was distraught, I had lost the only person, other than my mom, who thought I could be somebody one day. I was left disowned by my grandfather, shut out by real father with nowhere left to turn but back to My Island.

I moved out to the island on my own when I was 17. My grandmother sick and my grandfather unattached, I was unable to stay with them for the last time. So I did what I had to do. I lied about my age, I found a room to rent in the ice skating coaches house, packed up my little dolly mobile and moved out there. I had finally had a place on my own, making real money to support myself. I got a job at the local bike shop working on bikes and found out I was pretty good at it. Before that I had never really been good at anything other than being a screw up. I had a ton of people waiting to watch me fail, so I did the only thing I really know how to do, I proved them wrong. I went out my first summer spent five months on the island working as hard as I could, became really good at my job and by the time I left that summer, I had a win under my belt. For the first time ever, I wasn’t a screw up. There I was respected and looked to as a leader and a mentor. My past experiences helping me gain the confidence to get through the next year.        

But here, in the real world, I’m a nobody. I’m the girl who dropped out of high school, the girl who went to rehab, I'm the girl that nobody believed in. But this past year, I did something I never thought I would do, I went back to high school. And this time I am going to finish.

Leaving the island this year, I was terrified, for the first time in my life I had chance to change my path. No longer was my life going to be managing the local Cumberland farms or Stop&Shop.  It was college, it was my dream of becoming a teacher or a writer, starting to become a reality. For the first time I had someone other than my mom tell me I was going to amount to something someday. It’s a lot of pressure, but it’s the good kind, the kind that makes you want it more, and I’m honestly terrified. On Nantucket, I was a somebody, and now once again I’m a nobody. But that’s okay, because this time, I’m ready to become somebody again. But this time in the real world.

The Summer I met Dolly- Chapter One

  

     

   I didn't know what to expect the first time I drove my rickety old Honda civic onto the Steamship that summer. I didn't really have any expectations in general. After barely making it through highschool, I was finally looking forward to just starting over somewhere, anonymously. After battling an eating disorder and the demons from my past, I was ready to face reality.And honestly, I needed a win in my corner. So my mother did what her mother did before her and made plans to ship me off  to Nantucket for the summer. A  few weeks later, I packed up my old 2000 Honda Civic and set off for the island.I got a job working at the bike shop downtown with one of my Grandpas old friends and  started  working  two days after I arrived. I had no idea what I was doing. I had no friends,no backup, just me.This was it,I was finally moving out and I felt like I was finally able to breath again.

       I met Kathy Davis on June 7th, she introduced herself with her "Hi I'm Kathy" smile that I soon became oh-so familiar with, Her camel covered harem pants and hipster style glasses matched up  with her quirky personality and curly blonde hair. In an instant we both knew that we had been thrown together for a reason. It was like God was finally saying “Hey! You know what? You're gonna be okay.” He sent me my partner in crime.  Kathy Davis, in some ways, saved my life. Since the day I met her I have never again felt alone. I can put my whole trust in her and know I have hers. Our laid back personalities complemented each other beautifully.That's why I liked her so much. Her intelligence and her worldly personality stood her apart from anyone i had ever met before. She was interesting, she challenged my mind and instantly we became like two peas in a pod. 

Kathy and I didn't have many other friends on the island, so we spent most of our free time in my Civic just driving around; daily rides home from work, chasing the sunset at fisherman's beach and visiting  my childhood home on Sunset Hill. We spent more time driving around singing and dancing to Magics “Rude” than we did at our apartment.Dolly became more than a car to the both of us; she became our ticket to freedom. She took us away from our dysfunctional lives and reminded us that there was more to life than just surviving. Every dent made, every laugh laughed a little too loud, every bad day, Dolly always came through. 

              For a long time, there was no Audrey without Dolly, her distinctive pink flower sticker on the back and shag-style steering wheel cover  represented everything about who I was.You could walk by Dolly, look inside and be told everything you would ever need to know about me, leftover sand included.I couldn’t tell you, in so many words, who I was or where I where I was going but that was the great thing about Dolly, I didn't have to.She was showing me who I was without me even realizing it. Dolly was safe,she let me be myself again.And because of her i gained the friendship of a lifetime. Everything happens by chance, I’m just glad I got the chance to meet Dolly.

#Stormwatch2K15

#OOTD by audreybarnes featuring ASOS

Definitely know, on this stormy day, that i will be rocking it in my onesie. Boston is expecting 3 ft of snow so i will be continuing to complain about being stuck inside for the next 2 days.Hope everyone is staying warm and still has power! i feel like my internet is about to go but living next to the lighting department,at least ill still have power,hopefully. Paesh is watching nature TV out the window. She doesn't like all the commotion.She will soon retreat to her spot next to the heater where she will contemplate the events of the morning. Weird Cat. O-o

But anyway I hope everyone treats themselves to a hot chocolate and stays snuggled up!

StoRmWaTcH2K15

OnePiece black top, $74 / New Look white top, $27 / ASOS white top, $36 / ASOS hoody, $42 / ASOS hoody, $42

Stuck inside for Eternity

What's up? How’s life? How you been? Miss me?

Yeah me either

Well I'm just gonna keep typing anyway

So it’s been a while since vie put anything really substantial on this here shindig, i tell everyone

"Oh yea i write a blog it’s pretty cool" 

More like i post a few things a couple times a month.

BUT

That will change. Recently, and unexpectedly, i now have way too much time on my hands. So basically that means i will be sitting on the floor of my room, staring at my computer screen, counting down the days until i get to go back to Nantucket again.

94 days to be exact...

But ANYWAY not much has really been going on with me, doing the same old. I about to finally graduate, which i think is pretty cool, it’s taken me too long but my health has been in steady decline since i got back from Nantucket. I guess there is just something healing about the air there. So i have been trying to get that back on track before i make any rash decisions and move myself across the country for no reason. Before i make any decision on where i want to go to college i want to know exactly what those four years will look like and know exactly in my head what i want to do. 

Kathy kind of opened up my eyes this past week, about my college experience, she said to me;

"Nothing about your life is conventional... so how do you expect your college one to be?"

And that hit me. She was right. I had to stop pressuring myself, i was pressuring myself to meet a certain timeline, to follow my friends to college and follow the path they created for me. I have focused on others for so long that i think it’s time i worked on myself a little bit. Get my own stuff sorted out before i tackle anybody else’s.

Morningtide Collection

Morningtide Convertible Necklace Style 1

Morningtide Convertible Necklace Style 2

Braided Leather Wrap Braclet

Morningtide Stretch Bracelet 

Retro Glam Square-Cut Crystal Necklace

Retro Glam Square-Cut 3 layer Necklace

Shop the Morningtide collection now

https://www.chloeandisabel.com/boutique/wildflower#52772

Introducing Chloe+Isabel By Audrey

Hey y'all!

Sorry its been a while but i have been working on a new project and well.... here it is!

Introducing C+i By Audrey

I have recently become a merchandiser for the well- known jewellery brand Chloe+ Isabel, for the past couple weeks, i have been preparing to launch my buisness! The amazing thin about C+i is how personalized i get to get. I choose every piece i want to sell online and in my pop ups and have personal hands on experience with my customers.

 C+ i brand was built on the  "The Friendship Philosophy" - the idea of two best friends with two different personalities are united by their passion for fashion and self-expression. Chloe and Isabel are names that represent the two personalities they want to see in their customers, our Merchandisers
 

“Chloe”the fearless fashionista, always in search of the season’s hottest trends

“Isabel” is timeless, above all, flawless, beautifully-crafted pieces.

 Each piece is hand-designed in NYC studio and branded with signature c+i closures. Each are then hand packaged in keepsake pouches.The amount of time and effort put into each individual piece makes them worth the three day delivery. 

I received my starter kit about two weeks ago and have slowly but surely trying to get the word out. I have been letting my mom and sister rock my C+i wear and they surely have been killing it. My mom rocked the Pearl+ Crystal drops necklace to our family's christmas eve dinner. She looked fabulous.My favorite collection is hands down the morning tide collection because duh.. Navy. Only color i ever wear. I bought the whole collection within my first three days at c+i.... Oops. I cant help it with the discount i get as a merchandiser how could i not want to buy all of it the stuffs literally gorgeous! 

I will let the pictures speak for themselves but if your interested check out my online boutique at 
https://www.chloeandisabel.com/boutique/wildflower#52772

Keep an eye out for more post about c+i and much more! 

xoxo

Audrey

60% off Semi annual Sale starting today through the weekend! Shop my boutique now at

https://www.chloeandisabel.com

/boutique/wildflower#52772

Snuggly Snowday

Snuggly Snowday by audreybarnes featuring Sam Edelman

Is anyone else cold? Keeping it casual today to try and beat this wind chill. Seriously this is unreal. I threw on my green and blue flannel i picked up at this place called the Garment District, Its this massive warehouse thrift shop near my house, Amazing stuff, all vintage. I then paired it with my Hollister jeans in dark wash and my black infinity scarf. When its this cold i have to make sure my feet are cozy, so i threw on some smart wool socks and these adorable tan leg warmers my grammy bought me for christmas. I am using my navy long champ today and threw my black mittens from target in there. I threw the outfit together with my beautiful new Sam Eldman riding boots and added two of my c+i braclets to add some arm #candi 

Check out my new blog http://misterpeash.blogspot.com/ 

and my new boutique

https://www.chloeandisabel.com/boutique/wildflower#52772

Our semi annual sale starts today 60% off!!

Uniqlo plaid shirt / SONOMA life + style® Pointelle Leg Warmers - Women's / Paige Denim stretch jeans, $340 / Sam Edelman ankle booties / Pieces black glove, $15 / Infinity scarve / chloe + isabel

Can I be honest?

 I am having a hard time trying to stay positive and I feel like a horrible person for it. I am so disappointed in myself.  I am so disappointment in myself for everything I did over the past four years. From the impressions I made at my high school to the people i mistakenly choose to give up. I didn't make the right choices. I made too many mistakes and now, I feel trapped, and I’m scared. I'm scared i won’t be able to pull it off and I'm scared i won’t be able to prove myself. I’m scared I will never be able to stand up tall and feel proud again. I’m scared that no four year university will take me seriously. I’m scared an admission's counselor will look at my transcript, throw it in the trash, and laugh. I’m scared i will let my mom down, I’m scared that all the money she spent and how hard she fought for me was all for nothing. I’m scared I will never be able to look at myself with pride. I’m scared I will always have to hide myself and be ashamed. I’m scared that no sorority will accept me because I am not good enough. I'm scared that my past will always be taunting me. I’m scared that I will spend the next ten years explaining the mistakes I made when I was seventeen. And I’m scared I just won’t be able to pull all this off.

Every day is an uphill battle, and every recovery is a battle not so easily won, especially when the war is waged against you. Today is just one of those days where i feel defeated. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help but feel sorry for myself. We are all humans, genetically engineered to have feelings, As much as they suck, they don’t just go away with one little green pill, as much as i wish they did. That’s what i have to remember when I’m having a day like this, is that I am only human; and I can only handle so much.

And This is My Story.....

I grew up on a little island just to the right of the Cape. I moved around alot as a kid, divorced parents and all,you know the drill. So this little island became my home. No matter how far down the rabbit hole I slipped, I could always go back to this little island, off the coast, and feel at home again. My dad moved out when I was a kid and that left the three of us, Me, My sister,Cece, Our mom and our great big coonhound Piper. My mom, is the greatest women alive, she is my superhero. She never gave up on me and was always there when we needed her. That lady never missed one concert or recital of ours. To this day she goes to every single one of my sisters marching band performances. She is a rockstar. My sister Cece, is a musician, a well rounded gal. She has the greatest heart and strangest personality. You get use to it.Then there is me,I am the youngest, therefore the baby. My sister still thinks I'm 11. I am sassy as can be and could talk the ear of a cow. My lack of filter gets me in trouble sometimes. I love adventure and would rather be living on a farm with 12 dogs and my cat, peaches, then here. My best friends names is Kathy, she is a curly haired cutie from D.C. I met her on June 7th, the day I moved into my first place on Nantucket, and she has been my sister soulmate ever since.

But a little more about my more confusing story....

This past year was full of ups and downs. Between surviving rehab and balancing my shipwreck of a social life, I have managed to successfully survive. I am back on track and am working my way towards graduating high school (finally -_-) and getting into my dream school.

This blog is dedicated the adventure I call my life.

 Enjoy the ride 

:)

Summer 2014

The Summer of Dolly

January 2013

"Summer love; the person you meet just as the temperature starts to rise and the clothes start to get smaller and the heat of romance, heat’s up. But after that long summer of late nights and carefree attitude, everyone goes back to school and stress sets in. Priorities in relationships shift, and people start to change.  That thrill of a summer romance starts to die and it’s time to get down to the real stuff. Where you face reality and hope for the best. It’s time for me to face the Real world again; I have spent too much time with my head in the clouds. Now I am just floating among the stars."

-Journal of Audrey Barnes 

It's been a Long Day

5.14.2014

It was a Tuesday. I remember that because I was supposed to work on Tuesday because my boyfriend at the time Ryan had work. I had just gotten an amazing job working in a bridal store in Belmont. In my mind, I was leaving for Berklee in the fall and  I had to learn the guitar, master the piano, buys microphones and textbooks and pay fees and learn music and make recordings and forget everything else. That would be my life, and I was okay with that. Growing up, it was eat sleep breath music and chorus. I was so use to it; i never really gave any thought to anything else. Why did I have to, I was talented and loved it.

On November 23 2013, I was admitted into Children’s hospital in Boston for depression and anxiety. It was decided that on the following monday I would be admitted to an outside facility.

"Wait what... I’m not suicidal...I don't want to die...what are you talking about?" That’s what I kept saying to the doctors. That I was "fine." 

I wasn't fine. I was skipping classes, disappearing for hours at a time and i gave up my music. I quit everything. I quit jazz, chorus and I quit my amazing vocal teacher. I thought I had this amazing new life; This boyfriend and amazing new friends, it was a lot easier to start over somewhere else then to stay and face the consequences. I ran away. I abandon the four most special girls i have ever met and I destroyed my relationship with my family. I accepted that I was the family disappointment and did everything to keep that reputation. 

I did it all, getting arrested, drinking, staying out all night, pretending to not give a shit. Yeah, I’m the queen of pretending not to give a shit; I’ve gotten pretty good at it. It’s kind of scary how little I really care about anything. I felt untouchable to everybody and everything. To me, I was on top of the world. 

I told three people what had happen to me, my boyfriend, my best friend and my "gay" best friend* i.e. guy whose secretly in love with you but you have friend zoned* Their reactions were enough to know to keep this secret to myself. By the time this had all happened, I had been to probably been to one full day of classes all year, not including the first day.And going back to regular school seemed like the scariest thing in the world.Trust me, you don't want to be that kid who just randomly shows up one day. There were a lot of questions i wasnt ready to answer and a lot of people wanting to know what was up. Everyday i would validate in my head why it was okay to skip school. It wasn't just like one day here and there; it was full weeks at a time. It was just bad I can’t even put it into words. 

The Monday after I was in Children’s, I was sent to Bournewood facility in Brighton Massachusetts. I was there for two weeks.My first mistake was thinking i didn’t belong there, in my mind, I wasn’t really sick... yea i sometimes couldn't leave my house for a few days but it was fine. I wasn’t cutting like the other girls, just purging, and i could stop whenever i wanted to. I was normal.

"Like fuck you telling me that there’s something wrong with me. I'm fine." 

I left Bourne wood after two weeks and  only took 14 days for me to slip back into my own patterns. Just as long as I had been in Bourne wood. 

I wasn't fixed after Bourne wood; I was quite far from it actually. I didn't care what had happened. I didn't have time to deal with that. I had a boyfriend and friends’ in another town i had to worry about. I seriously didn’t have time to deal with all this bullshit. I was completely over it and didn't really want to acknowledge what was going on. So I did what I had always done and just started going through the motions.

"Yes mom, i have been eating"

"Yes mom, I did go to class today"

I was a liar and a cheater, I didn’t really care who I hurt.

And trust me.... I hurt everybody.

I was diagnosed with an Bulimia nervosa  in January 2014.I don’t really remember the date because I don’t really remember much of anything. Let me put it this way, it feel like i fell asleep when i was 12 and woke up when i was 18.The past five years, to me, are a blur.

It wasn’t until February that I actually started to take my recovery seriously. On February 7th 2014 I was rushed to the hospital for having such low potassium levels I was at risk of having a heart attack at any moment. Imagine that phone call, 17 years old being told you could have a heart attack, on top of that my boyfriend of almost a year had just broken up with me hours earlier.It was a fantastic day.

At this point I felt like I kind of deserved it though. I was mean; I held all this hate in my heart for no reason. My eating disorder will never be an excuse for the way I have acted in the past year. I deserved to lose friends and to not graduate on time. I chose to do all those things. No one forced me to stop eating, no one forced me to stick my finger down my throat, no one forced me to stay home from school, but i also didn’t ask for all the rest of it. But those stories are for a different day.

I didn’t explain why or how my ED was developed, just when, how’s not really important.  

To most people, saying you have an eating disorder has become this "social trend." 1 in 10 men and women in the United States suffer or have suffered from an eating disorder. Only 35% get treatment.  Bulimia nervosa is a serious disease and should not be taken lightley. If you or anyone have had any premature signs of an eating disorder please tell a loved one, its better to get help now then think you can fix it on your own. Its an addiction and should be treated as such. 

I fell in love, got my heartbroken, got arrested, almost failed out of high school and single handily drove my mother to insanity.

I’m not saying I’m 100% again because I really couldn’t tell you what that feels like. But I’m doing okay. I really am. It been the hardest year of my life and now that it’s coming to a close I can’t wait to start fresh on Nantucket and leave all this recovery nonsense behind me once and for all. 

I take Zoloft everyday now for my depression and anxiety and I have an amazing team of doctors and (obviously) the best mom to help me balance out and get me through my recovery. 

You can choose to believe my stories or you cannot.

 But let me just ask you.....

How would you feel if you were me?

My eating disorder has been a secret that I have held onto for the past 5 years to protect myself against other people opinions. Having an eating disorder didn't make me strong. My eating disorder destroyed my life. What made me "strong" was my support team of doctors and friends. They made me want to be strong. Without these amazing people in my life I doubt I would be alive today.Especially my mom. She saved my life.

 I don’t know where I’m going to be in 6 months or even a year from now, but I’m alive and I'm working on it and that’s good enough for me.

So hey cut me some slack okay,

I just woke up.

EEEEEP sorry....Update!

Sorry i haven't been blogging lately, its been coming down to the crunch leaving for nantucket and of course my mom up and leaves for Mexico. I leave in 12 days or so. Sadly my housing fell through so at the moment im pretty screwed but I still have a little time. Maybe im just optimistic. I'll probably die of heat stroke if im stuck in Boston. Last four days of highschool though!! Im pretty amped. Its 84 in 

Boston today and no one seemed really prepared for this weather It went from like 50 to 80 overnight. I can personally say I am dying.

Hope everyone else is doing well!!

5/2/2014

Junior Prom 2013

With senior year coming to an end, it’s getting really hard to come to terms having to say goodbye. In 11 days, the class of 2014, will finally graduate and go our separate ways. It’s scary to think in only two weeks all this will be over. I can’t tell if I feel relieved or am just too stressed to care. Everyone says “You'll miss high schools it’s the best years of your life. “I don't believe that. Yea, I guess there will be some things I’ll miss about high school….I can't seem to think of any right now, but I will… Eventually... But my plan has always been get as far away as fast as you can. With high school finally coming to a close, I look back on the past four years and obviously wish I could do it over again but; it will be one of those sad to see you go moments but happy to watch you leave kind of feelings. I had amazing friends throughout the past four years and it will be sad to watch them all go to college in the fall. I'm excited to leave for the island this summer. Away from all the chaos that this year has brought.

PS I’m in the school library right now and the keyboard is actually shiny from grease

 Gotta go wash my entire forearm now

xoxo

 This New England weather is really bringing me down. Mother nature hasn't really decided yet if she wants it to be spring, or if she wants to curse us with an eternal winter.I guess thats what you get for voluntarily living here.... in other news I officially committed to working at Young's Bike shop this summer on Nantucket! I start June 2nd! Cece and I are leaving for the island May 23 and I yet to start packing.I can't believe we leave that soon.

Well wish me luck

xoxo

I guess you could say I'm a "Lifer"

So tell me about you?

In every application/ Interview/ Website sign up/whatever or what have you, they always ask an "About you" type question
 Well I don't really know about me. And in 144 characters or less I really couldn't tell you. If I took a gander, I would say I am a musician, a "student" if that counts, a daughter....but really I'm a "lifer."Somebody who lets life take them where its meant to go.
My dad use to say if he could define his life in one phrase it would be "Pura Vida." A Costa Rican phrase that means Pure Life. For the past ten years my dad has said a big F*** you to the corporate world and has done well,what ever the hell he has wants to do. In the past ten years, my dad has ran the Boston marathon and the dominated in the Marine Corps Marathon, built hundreds of houses for Habitat for Humanity, Went back to college, Learned a whole new trade, Explored and surfed Costa Rica and Renovated two "green" houses. 

My dad has friends all over the world. Every city we go to all around the world my dad has had a story of your mothers cousins aunts friends new business idea  or mets an incredibly hipster chick on the sidewalk who is really into poetry … Even though my dad and I have chosen to go our separate ways. My dad is an extraordinary human being.  Fifty percent of the time my dad is the cool dad. He is the smartest man I have ever met in my entire life which also makes him the most annoying man because hes always right and you cant argue cause he just knows everything.Like any little girl, growing up, my dad was "God".I had the "cool dad." He wasn't around, so I could make him out to be any way I wanted.  Because no little girl wants to hate their daddy.

 In a lot of ways my dad has gifted me with a very special childhood.From his backyard tie dye parties to his unnecessarily big blue pick up truck, my dad did a pretty good job when he could. Like come on I had hippy parents. I still do. Look at my mom she a freaking fruit loop. (JK mom, you're super cute <3)

He taught me a very good life lesson in my unconventional childhood. 
He showed me that no matter what life threw at you; no matter how bad it got; it would be okay. He taught me to trust my decisions. He taught me to take the unconventional route. Though our relationship isn't what it used to be or even how I wished it would be. In a way I admire his choice; even though in a thousand words or less I could tell you otherwise, He showed me the right way of life.

 I love that part of my dad, just by being him he could change someone's outlook on life; The special part of him whose pure motto in life is to solely live it happily. 
So I guess in 144 characters or less I couldn't really define myself as well as my dad could.But I'm working on it. I'm getting there, it took me a while to start to listen but now I am.I guess you could say, I'm on my way to becoming a "Lifer"

Lets talk about Love....

“According to Greek Mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate beings, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”

-Plato

I love Greek mythology. I love Greek mythology because it gives life and meanign to things we can't explain. Plato's story of two people forced to wander the stars looking for each other has an ability to capture that feeling of lost love.

I think it captures the essence of loneliness.

In my mind, lately, I have felt lost. Due to my recent roller-coaster of a relationship; Maybe I just can't imagine someone being able to love me unconditionally. Or has love become, like this story, a myth? Is there even a point in trying? Is there really? To be able to fully give yourself over to someone and let them see every part of you; is it really worth the heart break in the end? Because it seems to me that it all ends in heartbreak;

 I distinctly remember the feeling of realizing the person you love no longer love you back. “I never loved you…This was all a mistake” Those words replay in my head every time I start to feel okay again. I’m not some huge wreck who can’t leave her house, but I am in a stage where I don't know really know what to do anymore. I feel extremely lost. I gave up a large part of my life for someone and look where it got me? It feels like it was all a dream; like it was another life.  

I would never wish that feeling upon anyone. No one deserves to feel like that; to feel that love is just a distant dream that can never be achieved; at such a young age, empty and broken. I look around at the relationships that surround me today and I cannot even begin to understand how they work. I look at my best friends falling in love and I can't help but want to scream at them "None this is real!”

 Because to me right now; it’s not. 

I’m not in any place to want to love somebody right now. That just were I am right now. I feel very stuck. It has taken me a long time to be okay with that. For the first time in a long time I am okay with being alone. Sometimes you need to be alone for a while to be able to find yourself again. Plato said that “Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet." That’s what I am doing right now.

 I am trying to sing a song again.

For see the full story http://9gag.com/gag/a4KMVrv/according-to-greek-mythology-humans-were-originally-created-with-4-arms-4-egs-a-head-with-2-faces