Can I be honest?

 I am having a hard time trying to stay positive and I feel like a horrible person for it. I am so disappointed in myself.  I am so disappointment in myself for everything I did over the past four years. From the impressions I made at my high school to the people i mistakenly choose to give up. I didn't make the right choices. I made too many mistakes and now, I feel trapped, and I’m scared. I'm scared i won’t be able to pull it off and I'm scared i won’t be able to prove myself. I’m scared I will never be able to stand up tall and feel proud again. I’m scared that no four year university will take me seriously. I’m scared an admission's counselor will look at my transcript, throw it in the trash, and laugh. I’m scared i will let my mom down, I’m scared that all the money she spent and how hard she fought for me was all for nothing. I’m scared I will never be able to look at myself with pride. I’m scared I will always have to hide myself and be ashamed. I’m scared that no sorority will accept me because I am not good enough. I'm scared that my past will always be taunting me. I’m scared that I will spend the next ten years explaining the mistakes I made when I was seventeen. And I’m scared I just won’t be able to pull all this off.

Every day is an uphill battle, and every recovery is a battle not so easily won, especially when the war is waged against you. Today is just one of those days where i feel defeated. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help but feel sorry for myself. We are all humans, genetically engineered to have feelings, As much as they suck, they don’t just go away with one little green pill, as much as i wish they did. That’s what i have to remember when I’m having a day like this, is that I am only human; and I can only handle so much.